Lucy Watson

Submitted by on Sep 1, 2015

Made In Chelsea – meet the cast, ranked in order of poshness

Awkward silences! Intense staring! And constant close-ups of drinks! Crack open the Beluga and get ready to “pardy”, because series nine of Made in Chelsea begins tonight.

For the uninitiated, the “constructed reality” show and gilt-y pleasure focuses on a group of privileged twentysomethings who live in the exclusive Royal Borough. Tonight, MIC adds friends Emily Weller, Jess Woodley and Millie Wilkinson. Then there’s Fleur Irving, and Josh Paterson, better known as JP, as well as Irish model Nicola Hughes. But where will they place in the pecking order of poshness? Meet the rest of the cast, ranked from the most common to the most toffee of nose.

Stephanie Pratt. Alumna of Los Angeles reality TV show The Hills, Californian Stephanie turned up in season six as cast member Spencer Matthews’ girlfriend. As she has no prior connections to the cast, didn’t attend a prestigious public school, and hails from the capital city of nouveau riche social climbing, she’s rooted to the bottom of this list.

Lonan O’Herlihy. A recent addition to the MIC crew, Lonan is a personal trainer. So he actually has a proper job, unlike the pure-bred Chelsea-ites who spend their time going on holiday and getting blow-dried. While he was educated at a top private school, he earns money from doing a fairly normal occupation – so is therefore disgustingly working-class compared with the rest.

Lauren Frazer-Hutton. Spencer Matthews’ current girlfriend Lauren is fairly elusive. Originally from Hertfordshire, she used to be a ballet dancer and is currently an occupational therapist, credited with reforming Spencer into a one-woman man. While her name might be double-barrelled, a sure sign that there are some classy genes lurking in there somewhere, the fact she’s not Chelsea born and bred means she scores low.

Lucy … ‘Genuinely terrifying.’ Photograph: Bart Pajak

Lucy Watson. Known for her showdowns with many of the other cast members, there isn’t anyone on the King’s Road that Lucy hasn’t shot daggers at. A businesswoman with her own jewellery line, Lucy is basically MIC’s version of Claude on The Apprentice, except with better hair. Genuinely terrifying.

Tiff Watson. Sister to Lucy, she deserves credit for one of the best scenes from last season when she refused to kiss a lunging Sam Thompson on a mini-golf course. Slightly posher than her sister, if just for not getting into as many public arguments.

Alex Mytton. Introduced into the series in 2013, Mytton has become a full-fledged member of the MIC “bois”, (that’s Chelsea for “insufferable lads”). While dating Binky Felstead he was revealed as a serial philanderer, which led to an excruciatingly drawn out breakup between the pair (Ross and Rachel wrapped things up quicker).

Will Colebrook. Poor Will. No one really takes that much notice of him. Even when he threw a tantrum over the fact Binky didn’t want to date him, no one cared. As a personal trainer and property developer he also has not one but two of those pesky jobs, but was at least educated at the public Tonbridge School that actor Dan Stevens also attended. Low- to mid-level posho.

Josh Shepard. Another fairly new member, Josh spent three years in Dubai and LA working with his dad selling hotel properties. For not having spent as much time in Chelsea, Josh gets points deducted, as well as for conjoining with the aforementioned Pratt.

Alik Alfus. The other resident Yank in the Royal Borough, Alik is the boyfriend of MIC stalwart Louise Thompson. Not exactly posh in the Chelsea sense of the word – how could anyone American ever be? – but he’s not far off. Raised in the Upper East Side of New York, Alik makes classy leather goods with his dad; he studied at the most expensive school in America, which two of the Kennedys also attended.

Fran Newman-Young. Music manager Fran – definitely posh, rather boring – has had a hard time in the most recent series, notably falling out with housemate Binky Felstead, after she revealed to Lucy and Tiff Watson that Binky knew she had slept in the same bed as Sam Thompson. If you didn’t follow that, there will be plenty more opportunities to get confused by the love decagons that come up this season.

Andy … ‘The ultimate definition of posh totty.’ Photograph: Bart Pajak

Andy Jordan. The Jack Johnson of the Chelsea set, Andy “flared-nostrils” Jordan is a surf instructor and is often spotted whipping out his six-string and playing a far too earnest rendition of a new song (his and Alik’s duet last season induced some serious toe-curling). The ultimate definition of “posh totty”.

Sam Thompson. If there’s anyone who can make you cringe, it’s Sam (see the golf-course scene above). Like an ill-trained puppy, he’s lovable but can be exceptionally irritating. Loses points and dignity for working as a personal assistant for friend and cast mate Jamie Laing.

Louise Thompson. Louise wins the “most gap yah voice” prize. Educated at Downe House, the same place as the Middletons, she’s not bad at skiing, proving her skills in reality TV show The Jump by coming fourth. Always a sure sign of someone’s good breeding. Apart from the reality TV bit.

George Amor. Only appearing in five episodes of the last season, George had his eye on Sophie Hermann. A brief glance over his Linked In page (how declassé!) shows that he’s working at Winkworths estate agents. Only retains such a high ranking due to the fact that he’s also a professional polo player.

Toff … by name and by nature. Photograph: Bart Pajak

Georgia “Toff” Toffolo. Anyone with the name Toff is already going to score well. Also, if you tuned in to the recent episode of Made in Chelsea does Come Dine With Me, then you’ll have seen Toff offering up a “student” menu that included caviar, lobster and champagne.

Binky Felstead. Another one with a silly name, Binky, real name Alexandra, is a fashion and beauty blogger with a sideline in Lil-Lets adverts. While she’s not exactly the brightest of the bunch – she thought Bloomberg was a type of flower – she ranks highly for her outdoorsy spirit.

Jane Felstead. Every reality TV producer knows that their show isn’t complete without a sage older woman, often in the form of someone’s mother. For MIC that’s Binky’s champagne-chugging mummy, who writes an advice column for the Daily Mail.

Stevie Johnson. Stevie is MIC’s equivalent of Downton Abbey’s Lady Edith. A nice chap, he is often overlooked for his more charming chums in the ladies department. Eton-educated and an old-school gentleman.

Sophie Hermann. Sophie was educated in Switzerland, and a look at her Instagram feed shows her trying on numerous diamonds, including one that costs $19m. OK, maybe she didn’t buy it, but she’s posh enough to be allowed to actually try it on in the first place.

Sophie … diamonds are a girl’s best friend. Photograph: Bart Pajak

Rosie Fortescue. Ice-queen Rosie has been in the show since season one and enjoys success as a street-style blogger. Her credentials include classic posh-girl hair (long, always blow-dried professionally) and dazed blinking.

Spencer Matthews. Until he met girlfriend Lauren Frazer-Hutton, Spencer Matthews was the resident cad, but he’s now more into keeping fit. Educated at Eton, he considers himself (deploy side-eye here) a northerner at heart as his dad is originally from Sheffield and he once ate a crisp sandwich. His parents own A-list favourite Eden Rock hotel on St Barths. Almost certainly doesn’t know what Henderson’s Relish is.

Jamie … ‘fairly lovable’. Photograph: Bart Pajak

Jamie Laing. There are two things that Jamie brings to the show: the phrase “yeah boi!” and the fact that he wears one, just one, of his T-shirt sleeves rolled up all the time. Heir to the McVities fortune as his great-great-granddad invented the digestive, awarding him the moniker Jamie Biscuits. A fairly lovable character and easily the richest, though not exactly the sharpest épée in the antique fencing sword collection.

Oliver Proudlock. Of all the MIC cast mates, Oliver Proudlock, or just “Pruders” to his friends, he tries desperately hard to shirk the public schoolboy image by wearing an earring – but is fatally undermined by cheekbones that can only hail from refined genes. He owns fashion brand Serge DeNimes, worn by notables such as supermodel Jourdan Dunn. Also a Christian.

Victoria Baker Harber. Sidekick to Mark-Francis below, Victoria Baker Harber possesses pantomime levels of evilness. Tweeted: “I love fake fur. Said no one. Ever.” Once referred to a fellow cast member as a “fucking fat turkey”. Indulges in occasional “slut-shaming” on Twitter. Convenient locus for any class hatred you may have.

Mark-Francis … top of the toffs. Photograph: Bart Pajak

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